Thursday, July 28, 2011

How to be a wine snob…

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After visiting Margaret River with Serra and my mum during my trip to Perth. I have learned a thing or too about being a wine snob. Let me teach you a thing or two.

Rule #1: Search for signs on the road saying ‘open cellar’ and walk in like you’re NOT looking for a toilet.


Rule #2: When asked what you would like to try, carefully peruse the menu for a few minutes as if making a choice then nonchalantly mutter ‘everything’.


Rule #3: Sip the wine and pretend your look of disgust is that of thoughtfulness. Pause as if in deep contemplation while grasping for ways to sound intelligent when you open your mouth. Always think of the most ambiguous things to say, and link up unrelated words like ‘woody’, ‘forest berries’ and ‘spicy’.


Rule #4: Remember, the guy serving you the wine know what all the wines are called, so don’t embarrass yourself by thinking you can pronounce all those French names on your own…sauvignon…simian..blanc..? 


Rule #5: Don’t know when a wine tastes good? The more pretentious the packaging on the wine, the more you’re expected to pretend you like it! Act accordingly.


Rule #6: If you’re too embarrassed to pour the rest of the wine out, well…you’ll just have to drink it all, won’t you!


Rule #7: Good looking and charming French servers appear to make the wine taste better.


Rule #8: Feeling peckish? There’s cheese tasting places too. See the sign saying ‘one per customer’? They never specified a unit of measurement, so it could be 'one kg per customer’ for all you know!


Rule #9: Be prepared for random appearances of out of context painted cows near wine. It’s obviously there for a reason, so don’t make a fool out of yourself by looking surprised!


Rule #10: What ever you do. STAY DIGNIFIED.


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